No, I do not pray as I ought.
I pray in hopes and wishes,
in wild imaginings of futures,
with Oh! that it migh, be another time and place!
To this the Spirit replies:
I think I do not hear,
and so I ask You? or You? or You?,
but when all is No and Next Time
and I am dared to truly wish,
what might have been is now.
What I wished for is not another place and time
but a wholly different feeling,
a total new communion,
something else than what I live in now.
I receive it by grace, but not graciously,
and fighting it, am asked:
Is this not what you wanted?
I say: I was afraid to say I did.
Then, holy laughter.
O child, she says,
you never have to ask
for me to know.